If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
