im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
