she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize