i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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