so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
