They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
