Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
