kristin has been a bad kristin
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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