Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
