is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
