why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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