AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
