Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize