Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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