I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
