Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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