I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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