Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
