it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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