i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
