It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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