Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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