Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
