so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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