The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
