i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
