I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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