Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Boobs are out for the taking
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
