Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
