If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
