Me. At least after what I've been through.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize