I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize