I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
