His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
His hands were made for my vagina.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
