O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
