it hurts more in the daytime
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
