Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I look better un-naked...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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