I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
