do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
