So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
