Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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