I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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