Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
