the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
