I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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