College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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