I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
