How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
