have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
