I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Randomize
