So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize