Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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