i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Damn victory sex feels great
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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