sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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