Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize