I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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