I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
