haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
