I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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