so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
