You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I didn't notice because vodka
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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