Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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