Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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