I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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