who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
