dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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