found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
