franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
