sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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