i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
