GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
