Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am midnight drunk by noon
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
