erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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