Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
