stop calling my apartment porn island.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dick very happy bro
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
