I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
