I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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