My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
